Violence required.

Why are some people (me included) so fascinated with zombies?

I mean, really, what is so appealing about the a nightmarish human has-been, eating flesh and guts and brains and then chasing you relentlessly for more?

And although the sight of them is something, I cannot imagine the smell if they were to actaully appear. Delightfully nauseating.

However, I have been thinking about this for a while, and by a while, I mean way too long for a normal person, because I honestly asked myself why in the world would I be so fascinated with such monsters. 

I start thinking about how we think of zombies today. How some of us have legitimate serious conversations with each other about where we would go if a zombie apocalypse were to happen, what weapons we would use to defend ourselves, agreeing double taps are worth it, and if it came down to it, giving friends permission to finish us off if we get bit, but only until we've fully been zombified... We don't want to get carried away, right?? Right.

Among all of this, we all agree that we must take all measures to kill these monsters off. We must be violent, destructive, unmerciful, maniacle, bloodthirsty. (No pun intended).

We imagine what we may look like and feel like in that state. Wondering whether we are even capable of such desperate hysteria because, quite frankly, it is mandatory. It is almost thrilling too. Holding your heavy weapon, swinging back, screaming, heart pounding, and feeling the impact and hearing the crack you are making unto the threat that claws at you. 

It is pertinent that we must lose ourselves in order to save the last thread that makes our race human.

And it dawns on me, "That is exactly what I want to do. I want to hold my weapon tight, eyes wide open, jaw extended in full roar, and wipe the nasty snarl off of that monster that is threatening my existance." 

I realize then that that monster, in it's purest form, is a human like creature that is trying to survive by all means possible. Clawing its way to reach sustenance that will never satisfy.

It is a creature that I have been once, and am very capable of becoming again, because I have a tendency to lose reality of being truly human.

And how I despise that monster in me. It has ripped open the bodies and hearts of close people, taken it and used it for it's pleasure. Not caring to see if their lives are worth it to them. Feeding off of expectation but never receiving it's fill. It's own body, slashed, burnt, falling apart, because with every chance it gets, it pounces on the movement of flesh and gets blasted back into repercussions too mighty for it's frame to withstand.

I am that monster and I want to blow it's brains out. 

and

I am that survivor who's human existance is threatened.

By lust, greed, sex, lies, money, laziness, culture, despair, injustice, attachment.

 

Good news is, that even among all these constant reminders of my monsterous state, I don't have to be swinging that weapon at myself any more. God has taken care of that with every blow Jesus got.

And I am so thankful. 

 

 

All of this to say that I CANNOT WAIT for the season premiere of The Walking Dead tonight.