where does it hurt?

There is a commercial on TV on medication for depression.

It's actually very well done: There are 3 or 4 different types of people, with different kinds of lives, and different situations, and even different circumstances, different genders, some with children, and others with a husband or wife, or just an entire lifetime ahead of them, all somehow portrayed in a 30-80 sec segment between Kath and Kim and The Office. 

What make this commercial so good is how they show depression. Depression is an interesting thing. It is almost as indifferent as Death. Funny though how it can sometimes lead to it.

I have seen this commercial before many times. Not really paying attention to it because well, I don't deal with depression. Deal. As if it were a drug. 

But no, I don't suffer from it until I realized, I just came out of it.

Today I confess that I was depressed for a very long time. I "dealt" with depression, like you deal with sadness, happiness, frustration, and anger. I lived with it. And yeah, it hurt.

I wasn't depressed because someone broke up with me, or because I lost someone I loved, or because I did something wrong. I wasn't depressed because I have a tendency to be depressed, it doesn't run in my family.

I was dealing with depression because my mind didn't want me. 

I was in constant debate with myself as to how I handle ME. And I had very opposing sides. There was a time when I wanted to run, very far, and really never return, because it would allow myself to escape from a feeling that seemed to hover over me. But I didn't, although I was close. 

But it was like a drug. It justified my reason to rip myself apart. 

All I know now is that I don't have that anymore. That cloud. It's gone. But little remnants still appear and its as if it never really left, its just waiting to gain momentum again. 

That's where this commercial strikes me. I thank God I don't need a pill, but I thank God I do need something and its not just all me. 

Not just all me.

Not all me

Not me.

Not.

Me.